


what goes around

by starlight_sugar



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-08
Updated: 2016-08-08
Packaged: 2018-08-07 13:08:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7715986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlight_sugar/pseuds/starlight_sugar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Elyse decides to do a favor for a stranger. Nothing wrong with that, right? It just so happens that that favor is pretending to date her. That part might be a mistake.</p>
            </blockquote>





	what goes around

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fictional story involving fictional likenesses of real people. Rooster Teeth does not have my permission to use any portion of my work in their content.
> 
> Content warning: this fic contains mild scenes of sexual harassment.

As soon as the guy sits next to her, Elyse knows that her night has descended into a nightmare.

It’s not enough that her car got a flat tire earlier. It’s not enough that her friends are running late to the bar. No, the universe has apparently decided to kick her while she’s down, and that kick is coming in the form of this douchebag. It things keep going this way, she’s going to skip the night out, go the fuck home, and play Super Mario Maker until everything sucks a little less.

The asshole shows up sometime between the seventeenth and eighteenth time she checks her phone. He gives her a disgusting faux-sympathetic look as she pockets it again. “You look bummed, baby,” he says, in the douchiest way possible. Elyse is pretty sure that she’d hate him even if she were interested in guys. “If you let me buy you a drink, you can tell me all about it.”

Elyse doesn’t bother looking around for a way out. Everyone else in the bar is in groups, and there are no women around who she can call with some kind of emergency signal. She’s on her own.

“No thanks,” she says, keeping her voice as chipper as she can. “I’m waiting for someone.”

“Whoever he is, you’re gonna like me more,” Douchebag says. Elyse doesn’t think so, but she keeps her face polite as he leans towards her. “You have a bad day, sweetheart? Need a shoulder to cry on?”

“No,” Elyse says again, a little cooler. She turns towards the counter, taking the opportunity to scoot farther away from Douchebag in the process. Her skin is crawling just from his voice. Physical closeness? Not ideal. “I appreciate the offer, but I’m not interested.”

The door to the bar opens. Elyse doesn’t turn around, in case Douchebag gets mad at her for ignoring him. Besides, if it were James and Bruce, they would’ve said something to her already. Next time James suggests this bar, she’s going to hit him.

“But  _ baaaabe _ ,” the guy whines, as nasally as possible, “you’re going to leave me hanging?”

Elyse wonders if it’d be better or worse to make eye contact when she shoots him down. He might think she’s a bitch if she does, but he might not think she’s serious if she doesn’t. Which one of those options is more dangerous?

“Hey, babydoll,” a new voice says, and Elyse has a moment of panic - there can’t be two douchebag guys, she absolutely refuses, she’s going to fucking cry - before she realizes that this doesn’t sound like a douche. Or a guy.

Elyse turns around and almost drowns in sheer relief. The woman standing behind her is pretty, with clear eyes and a bright smile. Elyse immediately trusts her more than Douchebag, and she recognizes a guardian angel when she sees one. She’s going to grab onto this opportunity with both hands, thank you very much.

“Hey, babe,” she answers, sliding off her bar stool and going over to the stranger. She can feel Douchebag’s eyes on her, so she goes for a proper hug and whispers “thank you, Jesus Christ.”

“Oh, god, no problem,” her literal savior whispers back. “Don’t even worry about it. Girl code, right?”

“Girl code,” Elyse agrees, and pulls back, keeping her hands on the woman’s shoulders. She takes the cue and keeps her hands on Elyse’s hips. “How was your day?”

“Better now that I’m with you,” the other woman answers. “Let’s go get a booth, the guys’ll be here any minute.”

“After you,” Elyse says. The woman leads her away, and Elyse follows gratefully. She doesn’t bother looking back at Douchebag.

The woman plops down not at a booth but at a wide table in the back. Elyse slides in the chair across from her and tries to think of something to say. She can’t just sit here in silence until her friends show up, that’s too awkward even for her.

“Thank you,” she offers after a few seconds. “I know I already said it, but you just-”

“Hey, like I said, girl code,” the woman answers, shaking her head. “You never leave someone hanging out with a sketchy dude like that. It’s bad karma.”

Elyse shudders - that’s the worst karma she’s ever heard of - and glances at her phone. Still nothing. She’s going to gut James and Bruce as soon as they get here.

“I’m Lindsay,” the other woman says suddenly. Elyse looks at her in surprise, but she just shrugs. “If we’re going to be sitting here, you might as well know, right?”

“Right,” Elyse says, and grins. “I’m Elyse. With a Y, just so you’re spelling it right in your head.”

Lindsay nods seriously. “I’m Lindsay with an A, then. So, at risk of sounding like a douchebag-” she leans in, propping her chin on one hand and lifting a single eyebrow - “what’s a pretty lady like you doing all alone in a place like this?”

“Oh, that’s uncanny.”

Lindsay shrugs and sits back in her chair. “If you see it often enough, you can imitate it. Anyways, do you have friends coming or something? I’m not going to send you back into the cold, cruel world alone.”

Elyse laughs and glances at her phone again. She knows James and Bruce are going to be horribly apologetic as soon as they hear this story, but that doesn’t mean she’s happy with them. “Yeah, I’ve got a couple of people coming to meet me.”

“Me too,” Lindsay says, and her shoulders slump. Elyse frowns at her, but Lindsay frowns right back. “Why are you frowning at me, were you hoping I was alone?”

“Oh, no,” Elyse says quickly. Lindsay seems like a good person, and as a woman alone in a bar, she would’ve been Douchebag’s second target. “It’s just - are you okay? Bad day?”

Lindsay’s shoulders slump farther. “I was going to introduce a couple of my friends to my girlfriend of almost a month. And then she dumped me earlier today.”

Elyse winces. “That sucks, I’m sorry.”

Lindsay shrugs, or at least lifts her shoulders enough to give the impression of a shrug. “Yeah, well, at least my friends will buy me pity drinks. That’ll be the best part of my day.”

“I’d buy you a pity drink,” Elyse offers. She’d risk going back to the counter and fending off Douchebag for it, too.

Lindsay cracks a smile. “You’re good people, Elyse.”

“I like to think so.” Elyse grins. “You are too, you know. Not everyone would pull off that hero act.”

“Oh, anything for you, babe,” Lindsay answers, mock-serious. “I’d give you my world, babe.”

“But babe,” Elyse says, shocked, “you  _ are _ my world.”

Lindsay laughs, and Elyse finds herself leaning towards it, without consciously deciding to. Lindsay has a nice laugh. It’s like music, but somehow better, and Elyse wants to be in the middle of it.

“Oh my god, she’s  _ real, _ ” a new voice says.

Elyse jumps in her seat and turns. There are two guys she doesn’t recognize standing at the table, both of them staring openly at her.

“Uh,” Lindsay says, and the guys and Elyse all turn towards her. She looks sheepish. “Hey, guys.”

“Lindsay’s getting  _ laid, _ ” the shorter of the two crows. He drops into a chair next to Lindsay and swings an arm around her shoulders, which she leans into. The other one sits across from him, next to Elyse, smiling at her as he pulls his chair out.

“Guys,” Lindsay sighs.

“Michael didn’t think your girlfriend was real,” the one next to Elyse announces casually. Elyse can’t help it; she raises her eyebrows in surprise.

Michael pulls his arm back from Lindsay’s shoulders and points across the table. “That’s completely fucking false. All I said was I wasn’t sure why it took so long for us to meet her girlfriend if she was real.”

“So you didn’t think she was real,” the other deadpans.

“Ryan, shut the fuck up,” Michael half-whines, turning to Lindsay. “It’s not that I didn’t think she was real, it’s just that I wasn’t sure until we walked up and saw you being all gross.”

Lindsay looks offended, which is a pleasant change from the frantic “oh-shit” vibes that Elyse had been getting before. “You don’t get to call another couple gross, okay, you two are the grossest couple I’ve ever met.”

“Well, yeah, but I’ve known Ryan for years,” Michael explains. “I don’t even know this one’s name yet, but you’re already calling each other your world. That’s gay.”

“I’m gay, Michael,” Lindsay counters, but she shoots Elyse a panicked look.

Ryan must notice, because he leans towards Lindsay, looking sympathetic. “You know we’re gonna like her, right?”

“Ryan, please, she’s sitting right next to you,” Michael says, but he focuses his attention on Lindsay. “But he’s right. As long as she’s not a piece of shit, we’re gonna like her. We’re just happy you have someone who makes you happy.”

“I know,” Lindsay says. She sounds resigned.

Elyse has two options here. She could do what anyone else would do in this situation and try to explain the misunderstanding. She could tell Michael and Ryan that there’s been a mix-up and she’s not actually dating Lindsay, and then she can leave them to buy pity drinks and wait for James and Adam. It’s an option. It’s a good option. It’s what she should do.

But Lindsay did her a favor. And it’s not hard to return a favor.

“Do your friends know they can’t find out if they like me if they don’t talk to me?” she asks Lindsay.

Lindsay starts and stares at her. She looks confused, but not upset, and not unhappy. Elyse lifts her eyebrows as significantly as possible, hopefully conveying general vibes of “I’m on your side, I’m here to back you up if you want a pretend girlfriend,” although she’s not sure how to convey those vibes in a look.

Michael nudges Lindsay. “Introduce us, quit being rude.”

“You’re the one who didn’t believe she existed,” Lindsay complains, but she looks at Elyse hesitantly. “Uh, this is Michael, he lives in the same building as me.

“I’m in 6E,” Michael Adds. Elyse nods, pretending that’s significant in any ways.

“And that’s Ryan, his boyfriend. And my coworker.”

Ryan half-waves at her. “Hi. You seem nice, don’t worry. We’re not scary people.”

“I mean, we’ll fuck you up,” Michael says quickly. “But only if you deserve it. You probably won’t.”

“I won’t,” Elyse says, even though she might’ve fucked up just by agreeing to this.

Lindsay gives Elyse one last lingering look, and Elyse realizes that this is her last chance to get out of this. She could come clean and get out of this just fine, maybe even with Lindsay’s number so they can get coffee sometime. She could say no. Instead, she smiles at Lindsay.

“Michael,” Lindsay says. “Ryan. This is Elyse. My girlfriend.”

“Elyse with a Y,” she adds quickly, and is rewarded with a flicker of warmth in Lindsay’s eyes. “Nice to meet you.”

“You too,” Ryan says.

“Does she talk about us?” Michael leans forward. “I mean, of course she does, but what does she say?”

_ Shit. _ Time to lie. “She talks to me about you guys about as much as she talked to you about me.”

“Oh. I see.” Michael narrows his eyes and sits back. “You wanna know what she said about you.”

“It didn’t sound like she said much,” Elyse says innocently. “I just wanted to check in, you know, see what she says that I don’t know about.”

Ryan shakes his head. “Our lips are sealed, unless Lindsay unseals them.”

“Nope,” Lindsay says, a laugh in her voice, totally natural. “What happens between friends stays between friends, right?”

“And what happens with your girlfriend stays with your girlfriend,” Ryan says. “Don’t worry, it’s-”

“Girlfriend?” someone repeats.

Elyse looks up from Lindsay for the first time in a few minutes, and her stomach drops. Bruce and James are staring at her, naked shock on their faces. She doesn’t know how long they’ve been there, but if they heard the word girlfriend, then they’ve definitely been there long enough to figure out the situation - or at least, the pretend situation.

This, she decides, might not have been the best idea she’s ever had.

“You’re late,” she says, because there’s not much else to say. “The sleazy dude at the front of the bar tried to hit on me.”

“The guy with the hair gel?” James looks at the front of the bar and back at Elyse. “You could take him in a fight.”

Elyse shrugs and looks at Lindsay, whose coolness has completely vanished. She looks stunned, like she hadn’t considered this possibility. Elyse knows for sure that she hadn’t either.

“Yeah, well, I didn’t have to,” Elyse says, and sends up a silent prayer that this won’t blow up in her face. “He backed off as soon as he realized I’m not single.”

“We didn’t realize you’re not single!” Bruce exclaims, taking the seat next to Elyse. James stays standing, just stares at Elyse, eyebrows slowly furrowing. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

“I don’t- I-” Elyse bites her lip. There has to be a good excuse, one that they’ll believe, one that makes sense. “The last couple of times I tried dating, it didn’t really… work. You guys know that. So I wanted to make sure this was someone I really liked before I introduced her to my friends.”

James sits down next to Elyse and rests a hand on her knee. “Tell us next time.”

“Next time?” Lindsay repeats, affronted.

“If there’s a next time, I’ll tell you,” Elyse promises. She can feel James go still at the “if,” at the implication that there might not be a next person she dates. Which is ridiculous, really, because she’s not even really dating Lindsay.

Lindsay’s gone still too, and Elyse realizes very suddenly that this isn’t just about her. It’s about Lindsay, too, and it’s spiraling out of their control.

“Are you gonna introduce us?” Bruce says at last, peering around Lindsay to look at Michael and Ryan. “Are we crashing a double-date?”

“What he means is, we’re turning your double-date into a triple-date,” James says, but he’s looking straight at Lindsay. “Either way, I think introductions are in order.”

Elyse takes a deep breath, looks at Lindsay, and tries to psychically apologize to her. Lindsay just smiles back at her, which either means that Elyse’s psychic apology didn’t work or that Lindsay doesn’t mind.

“Guys, this is Lindsay,” Elyse says after a second. “My girlfriend.” She reaches across the table and, in perfect tandem, Lindsay reaches for her and takes her hand, stroking her thumb across the back of it.

“Aw, that’s cute,” Ryan says, just saccharine enough that Elyse can’t tell if he’s serious or not.

James looks at him, unimpressed. “So who are you?”

“Ryan, I work with Lindsay. And this is Michael-”

“I’m her neighbor,” Michael explains. “And I’m dating him.”

“I’m glad to know where I fall on your list of priorities,” Ryan says dryly. Michael rolls his eyes.

Elyse turns back to Lindsay. “This is James, I’ve known him since-”

“Since 1784,” James says, straight-faced. “And I don’t take too kindly to just anyone trying to date my Wheezy.”

“Shut the hell up,” Elyse says amiably. “Since middle school, which wasn’t in the eighteenth century. And that’s Bruce, his boyfriend.”

“I’m also Elyse’s second best friend.” Bruce’s face goes cold, and he makes steady eye contact with Michael, then Ryan, then Lindsay. “I’m not letting anyone steal that spot, either, so don’t even think about trying.”

“Dude, we met her three minutes ago,” Michael says. “We’ll warn you before we try to duel you for her honor.”

“Uh, I’m pretty sure I get to defend her honor,” Lindsay says. Elyse squeezes her hand, and Lindsay grins at her. “Hey, that reminds me, nobody’s actually ordered drinks yet.”

“We should do that,” Elyse says quickly, locking eyes with Lindsay. “I know what James and Bruce want-”

“No, you don’t,” James says. Bruce rolls his eyes.

“And I can cover my people, yeah.” Lindsay lets go of Elyse’s hand and stands up. Elyse follows suit, brushing James’s hand off her knee. “We’ll be right back, guys.”

“Try and-” Elyse gestures to both pairs and then mashes her hands together, in what she hopes is a clear and understandable way. “You know. Get along.”

“Co-mingle,” Lindsay offers.

Elyse smiles. “Yeah, co-mingle.”

“We can co-mingle,” Ryan says, and looks at Bruce. “You, uh. You got a nice beard there.”

“Elyse, don’t leave us,” Bruce stage-whispers.

“We’re leaving,” Lindsay announces, and starts towards the bar. Elyse squeezes James’s shoulder and follows Lindsay to the bar. Douchebag is gone, which would be a wonderful icebreaker, but before Elyse can even open her mouth to say something about it, Lindsay gives her a sidelong look. “We should talk after we order.”

Elyse’s stomach sinks. “Yeah, of course,” she murmurs. The whole girlfriend thing seemed like a much better idea when there was no way Lindsay could tell her to fuck off, but now it seems less like a stroke of genius and more like a crackpot scheme. She barely remembers to order drinks when the bartender asks. Should she pay for the first round? That might be a nice gesture, considering she threw everyone’s night off the rails, especially Lindsay’s. She should probably apologize, too. How many times can she say sorry before it becomes insincere?

As soon as everything’s been ordered Lindsay looks at her. “So, uh, do you do theatre?”

That throws off Elyse enough that the apology dies on her tongue. “No? What?”

“You’re really good at improv,” Lindsay says, almost shyly. “I’m not sure why you covered for me like that, but thank you. You totally saved my ass.”

Elyse shakes her head. “I just threw off your night-”

“What?” Lindsay laughs. “No, if anything, I threw off yours. My friends knew they were meeting my girlfriend tonight, but yours didn’t. But you still stuck with the story. Thank you.”

“You rolled with the story when I threw it at you,” Elyse counters. “I think we’re even.”

“Either way, I think they all believe it.” Lindsay glances black at her table. Elyse looks, too; Ryan and Michael are talking to James and Bruce. It’s an actual conversation, by the looks of it, not just small talk. Lindsay turns back to Elyse. “So do you want to keep doing this?”

“Only if you do.”

“In that case, I think we need a backstory. How did we meet?”

“In a Starbucks,” Elyse suggests. “The only empty seat was across the table from you-”

“-and I couldn’t let a pretty girl sit with me without getting to know her?”

“I was going to say I was awkward enough to make conversation with a stranger, but I think yours is better.”

Lindsay laughs. “We’ll go with mine, then. What do you drink at Starbucks?”

“Iced white mocha,” Elyse says, and pauses. This might cross some kind of invisible line here, but she’s picking up some flirty vibes from Lindsay, and hell, she should take advantage of that, right? “I’d ask what you get, but what if instead of asking, I took you out for coffee tomorrow?”

For a second Lindsay doesn’t answer, and Elyse tries not to panic - okay, she miscalculated, it’s not a big deal, they never have to see each other again after tonight anyways - but then her face splits into a grin, slow and genuine. “I’d love to,” she says sincerely. “I’d ask for your number, but if we’ve been dating for a month, I would probably already have it.”

Elyse laughs. “Here,” she says, pulling out her phone and unlocking it. “If anyone asks, I’m showing you pictures from something that happened earlier.”

Lindsay shakes her head and takes Elyse’s phone. “You’ve never done improv before?”

“Never.”

“You should try it sometime, you’re pretty good.”

Elyse smiles. “I might not be trained, but I still got a date with a cute girl out of it, so I’m not complaining.”

“Oh, by all means, don’t complain.” Lindsay hands Elyse’s phone back. “By the way, if anyone asks, our first date was dinner and a movie. Chinese food, and that shitty horror movie that came out last month.”

“I’d never agree to see a horror movie.”

“I convinced you by offering to let you hold my arm during the scary parts.”

Elyse grins, and not just because she’d definitely hold Lindsay’s arm during the scary parts. “You’re not half bad at this improv thing yourself.”

The bartender sets six beers on the counter. Lindsay picks up three and grins at Elyse as she gets the other three. “You know what the best part of this is going to be?”

“What’s that?”

“When we all go out together again in a few weeks, and the stories about all the dates we’ve gone on won’t be made up anymore.”

Lindsay starts back towards the table. Elyse wants to follow her, but for some reason, she can’t make herself move. She’s smiling too hard to focus on anything else.

**Author's Note:**

> You can always follow me on [Tumblr](http://pervincetosscobble.tumblr.com) or [Twitter](http://twitter.com/ezrabridgers) for more fic/life updates. Thank you for reading! <3


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